Choosing Happiness

I have come to the conclusion that happiness is often a choice. I'm sure there are a buttload of instances where it is not, but here are my thoughts.

Everyone has to work. And whether the job you are doing is your dream job or you are a gum scraper in the parking lot of Walmart (they have those right?? Okay, maybe not :) , it's going to get monotonous. But some people can remain content, while others squirm in their chair day after day wanting to be somewhere else (everyone does this at times, but I mean never being happy where you are). I want to be one of the content people.

And in relationships- people have flaws. They are not always going to say and do what you want them to when you want them to. You can either choose to be happy and rejoice in everything the person is, or you can get discouraged and talk about how life and people just aren't measuring up to what you thought they would be. I want to be one of the people who rejoice in the relationships I have.

I'm still wrestling with the concept of joy and I think its something God is working on with me. And I know there is a difference between happiness and joy. But I want to strive to choose a thankful and positive mindset more often. I want to be one of the happy people :)

Advice (you'll thank me later, or now maybe)

This is some (mostly) practical advice that I have pulled together from life experiences.

#1 - Girls should not casually wear baseball caps. This one is self-explanatory.

#2 - Yahoo! Answers contains most of the answers to life's questions, especially if a top contributor answers you. Sometimes people post jerk responses when you ask things like "Is Einstein still alive?" and "What time is it?" Just weed through those until you find the answer you were looking for.

#3 - If you wear sunglasses at your desk at work you can sleep whenever you want!

#4 - It's not illegal if it's hilarious.

#5 - It's not mean if it's hilarious.

#6 - High fives are better than handshakes. High fives > handshakes (7th grade math nbd)

#7 - When all else fails, put extra sugar in your coffee.

#8 - If you owe the library $112, that doesn't mean you can't go to the library anymore. It just means you have to borrow the books on your own terms without anyone knowing about it.

#9 - Expiration dates on food are just guidelines. So are one-way streets.

#10 - If you can't find something, the only reasonable explanation is that it was stolen.

#11 - Try to sneak things in the movie theater that aren't allowed. Outside Candy/ Drinks = 1 point, Fast Food = 2 points, coffee = 3 points, a large pizza = 6 points, ect. etc....

#12 - If you ever typo on some sort of instant message, but make a huge deal about it every time and its funny. Por ejemplo: "You should teach children Spanglish earkly on. Earkley???? What the heck does earkly mean?????"

#13 - Find as many baskets as possible to put your eggs in. (This is a metaphor for LIFE. If you don't get it, its probably just too deep for you.)

#14 - When you answer the phone "This is Shari" and then the person on the other line says "Is this Shari?", it doesn't mean they are not listening. They are just trying to make sure you are not a doppelganger. (Please don't answer your phone "This is Shari" because you would be lying)

#15 - You are allowed to exaggerate as much as you want if it makes your story better. It's encouraged.

#16 - Balance and depth perception are over-rated. Who cares if you can walk in a straight line or you walk into walls?

#17 - You don't need to go to the real doctor. You can be seen by an edoctor on WebMD.com. Just as good, if not better.

#18 - Contrary to popular belief, wood screws are nails that go in wood, not screws that are made of wood. I had to learn this one the hard way (by going to Lowe's and asking).

#19 - It's ok to steal things if you really reeeeeeally want them. It's called "borrowing indefinitely."

#20 - End statements with "you understand." When you say that people feel like they have to understand.

#21 - If you end a statement with "I'm just sayin'..." it makes whatever you said ok. Por ejemplo: "He is an idiot. I'm just sayin'..."

#22 - If you are 40% sure about something and a friend is 60% sure about it, that makes 100% so you are definitely right!!

#23 - Embrace the stupid, silly quirks about you. It's refreshing. People don't want or need to see perfection.

Why 23? Good question. That's all I could think of.

Elusive Joy

I realized something today in starting Philippians. Talking about joy makes me uncomfortable. I think maybe this is something God has been gearing me up to deal with for a while. It's this thing that I want, and I feel like I have sometimes, but to truly pursue it scares me. Sometimes I feel like its almost easier to accept a life without it.

How do you not stay focused on your circumstances? How do you not let people and situations pull you way down or up? How do you not get disappointed when you are not where you want to be in your life?

I read in Walking with God by John Eldredge a few months ago: "Joy is such a tender thing. I think we resent it. We avoid it, because it feels too vulnerable to allow ourselves to admit the joy we long for but do not have."

I know two things for sure. Joy is something God wants me to have. And joy is something the devil does not want me to have. But I have decided something. I am going to rededicate myself to finding joy, and finding it in Christ alone. I think it is worth pursuing.

"Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete." -John 16:24

Sidenote: This post does not mean I am terribly unhappy. I'm not at all. I just know there is something to it when Paul can be sitting in a prison cell and say "I rejoice". I know that's not by his own effort. And its something I want to tap into.

Lord of the Rings = My LIFE (not true... but this one part...)

This is by far the dorkiest thing I have/ will ever post and I am totally okay with that. I have been watching the Lord of the Rings movies over the past few days. And I've been able to relate some of it to my LIFE right now. Let me explain, porque that is super vague and weird sounding. The latest por ejemplo comes from The Two Towers. Aragorn has a dream where he sees Liv Tyler... who's an elf... blah blah blah, you've seen the movie. So she tells him he must go with Frodo and he is totally confused and can't see which way he should go. Which leads to the following dialogue:

Aragorn: My path is hidden from me.
Arwen: It is already laid before your feet. You cannot falter now.

It hit me hard and felt relevant to what I am going through right now. My path does seem hidden. The next step is fuzzy, maybe even veiled completely. But I don't have to see it. It is already laid before me by my God.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 3:5-6

To be honest, I don't think I can be trusted with the direction of my life. I'll screw it up. Its a fact. But who better to trust it with then the Creator of the Universe? He has never let me down. Why do I think he is going to start now? (The answer is he's not)

Final scripture/ promise that has been circling my brain for the past few days: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

Enough said.

Conflict

I have very conflicting emotions lately. Things happen and people disappoint and it gets me down. But I still have an overwhelming amount of hope. And that just seems odd to me. Things haven't happened the way I wanted them to, and it makes me want to throw up my hands and say "Really God? Really???" But I just know he's got it. I know he has things under control and he has this crazy incomprehensible love for me. And I know he has good things for me.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." - James 1:17

I love the part about God not changing. He's the same no matter what life throws at you. When you can depend on nothing and no one else, you can depend on him. People are going to let you down and lately I feel let down big time. But people are people. They screw up. And there is a certain amount of grace we can have for them. Not because it comes from us or we feel like doing it. But God has lavished his grace on us. We forgive because we are forgiven. With the things going on in my life, part of me wants to beat myself up and get angry... but a bigger part of me says "You got this, God. So thank you for that."

"And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:19

My God will meet all my needs. All of them. Financial, Emotional, Relational... he's got it all. And what resources does he have at his disposal to do this? Everything. He made and owns everything. He breathed the stars. But he also cares deeply for the needs of my pathetic little life. I can hold my head high and walk this thing out, even if I don't understand. Because God does. And he is just waiting to shower me with the things I need "according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus."

So I'm conflicted. I'm down and frustrated and slightly angry, but with all the hope in the world. Go figure.

"Sometimes the bravest thing of all is to hope." -Brave Saint Saturn

Limping

Lately I have been worn out. I feel like I never get a free moment. A lot of it has to do with the Christmas play I just finished directing. It has been much of my life for the past 6 months, and overwhelmingly so the past month. So it's over, and I thought maybe I could breathe a sigh of relief and feel some rest, but I can't and I don't. And I've been trying to figure out why.

I can think of two reasons I feel exhausted. One is that I am doing too much. The other is that I am not leaning and relying on God's strength vs. my own to carry me through.

Since the play, I still haven't stopped going. I have obligations every night this week. I work all day, and then owe my time to other people at night. And please don't get me wrong. My life and the people in it are amazing. I am so very blessed. But I. need. some. downtime.

I talked to my friend Joy tonight on the phone and I told her "I feel like I am limping through each day. And I'm getting by, but I don't feel happy." When the day is over I feel relieved. And when the next day starts I still feel tired and discouraged. But I pick myself up and start again.

But Joy said something to me that kind of woke me up. It was so simple, but I think sometimes the most profound, life-changing stuff is. She goes, "Shari, you know it's not supposed to be like that right?" I was kind of taken back. What? I'm not supposed to feel tired all the time? I'm not supposed to feel like I can't do enough and I am letting everyone down?

I have a huge fear of letting people down. Or of people thinking I am weak or not capable. But I shouldn't. And I shouldn't be afraid to tell people "No, I can't do it. There is too much on my plate right now."

"Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe." -Proverbs 29:25

My God holds me. He's not ashamed of me or disappointed in me. He delights in me. And ultimately his opinion is all that matters. I can lean on him to get me through the days where there is too much to do. And I can listen for his voice telling me I am doing enough, and I need to rest.

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul." -Psalm 23:1-2

The part that says "He makes me lie down" jumps out at me. I think sometimes God has to almost force us to take a breath and have some downtime. To take a temporary break from the stress of life and not be concerned with whether it looks bad to other people or not. And I am super thankful that God does that for us. He knows how much we can take. He has no desire to overwork us. We are not slaves. We are his sons and daughters.

Last Day in London

My legs fell off day 5 so getting up and walking around day 6 was tough. I got my very first British cinmon bun. On a scale of 1 to 10, it was not very good. It kind of made me want to go home. Just kidding, mostly. Who puts raisins in cinmon buns?? Seriously.

We took a bus to St. Paul’s Cathedral in the morning, which we had tried to visit two other times before but it was closed. It was worth coming back for though. It was really beautiful. There were more signs that said “No Photography” posted everywhere, but I thought that might have actually been a guideline, unlike Westminster Abbey. I was way stealthier about my picture-taking this time and I didn’t get caught. We had to walk up one billion steps to get The Whispering Gallery. It’s this balcony around the inside of the dome that you can stand on one side and whisper against the wall and the person on the other side can hear you. There were a lot of kids around and my dad said he wanted to whisper in a really deep, scary voice against the wall, "Get out of here", but he decided against it. I left my dad there cause he didn’t want to go any further. Then I took another billion stairs to The Stone Gallery that is outside around the dome. Then I took a half a billion steps up to The Golden Gallery that is at the very top of the dome outside. It was an incredible view.

Then my dad had a meeting so I went shopping. I know this is the moment you have all been waiting for so I won’t linger any longer before telling you: I found the pair of black flats I was looking for. I know you are just as relieved as I am. We can go home now. I stopped and ate lunch at a little Italian restaurant. I’m kind of over the pub food.

While I was shopping I saw the British Marko Ledjenac, Timothy Traverse, and Phillip Brock. People in London like to play chicken. They like to walk straight at you and not decide which direction they are going to go in until they get right up to you or until you move. My dad says just keep going straight because they won’t actually walk into you. I don’t believe him.

That evening we saw Les Miserables. I didn’t know the story going into it, but it was so incredible. An awesome story of forgiveness and redemption, and the burden of unforgiveness. It steadily builds until the end. I may or may have cried at the end. The lady behind me was sobbing so hard that she started laughing at herself. So great.

The trip was amazing. I feel so blessed to have been able to go and to spend so much time with my dad :)